Anton Hoffer, 32, is a 
leading London playwright 
and artist. Next year he plans
to release an album of his 
self-penned folk songs. 

"it is materialism gone mad"




In the afternoons Patricia and I go to Relate. They used to give us marriage guidance but now they just tell us that life is difficult and shrug. You have to admire their bravery and honesty.Social workers are society's real heroes.

In the evening I like to go out walking around the parks. London has the most beautiful parks in the world, but they are often too crowded during the day. I like to sneak around the parks at night. It makes my tummy feel all funny.

So many people take greenery for granted - the environment is one of my passions. I don't want my grandchildren to live in a polluted half-dead world. In fact I don't want grandchildren. I hate kids.

I go to bed at about 3am. Kafka's anti-hero Gregor Samsa awoke to find himself turned into a beetle. This hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm still young. Kafka was a true artist. He exposed society's sordid underbelly. I like to think my own work does much the same. My latest play 'I'm Turning Into a Snail' has a slightly Kafka-esque subtext. Maybe it will be my breakthrough. I hope so. I hate myself and want more money."

interview by Arty Stark, portrait by Shelly Long.

I normally wake up at about 7.30am. I spend about 20 minutes staring blankly at the ceiling and silently sobbing before I get up. In many ways this period is the highlight of my day. As I lie there, I often try to plan out what I want to do with the day, and try to think of any redeeming features that might brighten up my life. So far I haven't thought of any.

Breakfast is light. I'm a great coffee lover and can't face the world before I've had my second mug of Mellow Birds. It kickstarts my day. It's two hours before I feel ready to get started with the day. I'm very lucky to have my partner Patricia, who is marvellously patient with me and understands the demands I'm under. She rifles through the neighbour's bins and always thinks of something ingenious to do with the food she finds. I find it amazing what people will throw away.

In my opinion, it is materialism gone mad.


My apartment is very spartan. I like to feel uncluttered and focused. I have the corridor, which is something of a communal area, and then I have my own room, which is where the kitchen, toilet and bathroom are. loacted. Patricia and her mother also live in the room, so it can be a bit of a squeeze, but as long as I have space inside my head, I can work fine. I am an artist, after all.

Last year the builders were in, demolishing the walls and smashing the windows, but even then I found that my inner calm gave me the peace necessary to get my work done. Builders are scum.

I carry my laptop everwhere. If I leave it at home, it will get stolen. Last year I was mugged in the kitchen by the editorial staff of the Guardian. They said it was for my own good.